just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
