Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
