Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
