yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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