and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
