I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
