Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
