It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
