i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need to wash the frat house off of me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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