You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
