Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
