Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
