i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
