remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
