I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
