i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
