How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Randomize
