I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
