That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
