I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
