I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
