do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
