he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
