I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
