I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
