What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
