We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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