I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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