Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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