Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
