i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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