you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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