and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
