My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
