somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
