So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
