I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
