Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
