Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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