sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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