This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
