Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
