hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
