Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
