I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize