she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
