bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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