I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
