girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize