I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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