apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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