I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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