after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think my moral compass just broke
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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