I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
