The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My pussy is not your playground.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They took my balls.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
