Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
