I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
