WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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