tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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