So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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