I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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