Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize