when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
