There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
