Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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