Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
